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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

All-day sickness


Wow!! For as much as I want to be pregnant, it sure doesn't feel all that great right now. For the past few days from when I wake up in the morning to when I go to sleep at night I find myself wanting to puke. I haven't (yet) and hopefully I won't because I want to keep all the nutrients inside of me so the little one can grow big and strong, but, my goodness, growing a person really takes it out of you. I know that the sickness means that hormones are working right and that the baby is growing (they say that the start of sickness coincides with the start of the heart beating), so I am thankful. I also know that it's all for a good cause and that it won't last forever. In the meantime, though, it's like I'm walking around with a constant lump in my throat and chewing my crackers way longer than necessary until my reflexes cooperate and allow me to swallow.

A couple things that seem to help are eating cereal first thing in the morning to get something in this roiling tummy of mine. Also, I keep crackers by my bed so when I wake up in the middle of the night or early morning I can pop a few to help take the edge off so I can go back to sleep. I've still been going to the gym because the moving and deeper breathing actually helps a lot, and I've been eating like a picky pig...peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, crackers, bananas, oatmeal, cheese, ginger ale, but the thought of just about anything else makes me pukey (last night's chicken parmagiana from Pomodoro sounded like a good idea until it came to the table). Always having something in my stomach is a big help, but even then the relief just lasts for a few minutes before I try to find another way to soothe this pukey beast. Now I just hope and pray that what I put in actually stays down. I've heard that B6 helps a lot with the sickness and some people have said that the motion sickness bracelets take a bit of the edge off. Our first appointment is this Friday so you can bet I'll be asking questions about what I can do to feel better.

I know I don't have it as bad as some other people in prego-land, but if it could just subside for part of the day I would be so happy. It's hard to not tell anybody that you're pregnant when you feel like a pile of icky. You want to keep up the same energy level so nobody knows that anything is going on, but when all you want to do is lay on the couch and go to sleep it's hard. Dan and I have been going to sleep before 10pm every night for the past week or so and it's so nice getting a lot of sleep, but it's even nicer because when I'm sleeping I don't feel sick.

Lord, do what you need to do so we have a healthy baby, but if any part of that includes settling my stomach I'm definitely up for it.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter surprise


This whole week has been so fun. I've been feeling great and actually went to the gym every day (well, at least Mon-Fri...even I take the weekends off). It's amazing what you're motivated to do when you realize that a whole other person is 110% dependent on you. I made my first doctor's appointment for April 24 and signed up for all sorts of baby related web sites. It was so fun knowing that for the time being Dan and I were the only ones who knew I was pregnant. It was like this fun little secret that we were keeping from EVERYBODY and it was so fun. There were a couple times that it was super hard, like when we were talking to Matt and Jenna Gruber at church about a possible summer vacation to Hawaii and Matt said jokingly that we better not get pregnant before then because it would ruin the whole trip (totally joking). Dan and I just had to laugh because it's going to be even funnier when the time comes that we actually tell them. There were a couple other funny moments, but today was the day we decided to share our secret with a few other special people. We went to my parents' house for Easter lunch and asked them ahead of time if Dan's parents could join us as well. We had a great lunch and an even greater Easter egg hunt.

After lunch and the hunt we took a few family pics and then the moment came. We had decided ahead of time that we wanted to keep the distribution of info very limited to avoid any issues down the road if there are any problems with the pregnancy. So, it was just my parents, Dan's parents, Becky, John, Pamela, and Sara (practically an adopted sister). We had gotten a couple Easter lilies yesterday and I wrote out two identical cards that said, "Just like a flower that blossoms with time, we're due to bloom December '09." Both pairs of parents were sitting in the same place and I knew if we didn't act fast we would lose the moment. The guys were going to get fitted for tux's for John's wedding and I knew that Larry and Carolyn wouldn't stick around until they got back. So, Dan got the cards out of his jacket (we didn't want anybody unintentionally opening one early), and gave one to each mom along with a flower.

Well, this is what happened...

It was totally AWESOME!! Both sets of parents were so surprised, as was everybody else. We filled them in on why we are being so specific on who we're telling and that it's still super early to be spreading the news outside of our immediate family. They all totally understand where we are coming from, but it was so fun to be able to share the news with them. I know it's hard to not tell anybody and I told them that we certainly know that it's hard having kept it from them for over a week. It's almost like a burden of information because you so want to share the good news, but you know that it's not time yet. Still, we were so happy to share the news with all of our parents at once and especially have such an awesome response on such a great day.

To our moms and dads, and our baby's grandmas and grandpas, thank you so much for your love and support and all of your prayers. Our little one is SO lucky to have grandparents like you and we can't wait for him or her to meet you all. I think that we'll probably have the harder time being patient, but time will definitely fly.

What an AWESOME day!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Can't believe I forgot!!


In all of my excitement, I realized that I never actually said HOW I told Dan that I was pregnant. I had ordered a photo book in December that had pictures of us dating, getting engaged, married, and through recently. The book's captions followed the rhyme: "Dan and Jenny sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage." I also wrapped up the positive test so he could see the line for himself. Needless to say he was so happy. Now we get to plan how we're going to tell everybody else!!
Things are about to change with this little package...

Here's Dan looking through the book...

This is when he sees the good news...
And here's the proud papa to be...

I think he's happy :-)

I love you too honey!!!

Catch up


Obviously, there was a pretty big gap between my post in February when I thought I might have been pregnant (and wasn't) and when I found out that I actually was on April 3. Here's a rundown of what happened in March.

I was pretty bummed that I wasn't pregnant in February (and that's putting it lightly), but I ended up making snowboarding plans with some friends towards the beginning of March so I didn't really let it get me down. I continued thinking, wishing, praying, and even broke down in tears in the March church elder meeting because our pastor said that he felt a strong sense that we needed to wait (not just me, but he said it towards everyone and it really hit me). After a good 20 minutes I finally got it together and honestly felt like a lot of healing took place in the quietness of those moments. God has such an ironic way of using moments of brokeness for ultimate healing.

So, I felt like God was telling me to just wait and that things will happen when they're supposed too. I already knew this to be true, but hearing it in such a direct way really hit home. I carried on, continuing to hope and pray, but ultimately feeling like it might still be a while considering the "wait" message. Come mid-March it was time for my annual check up so I shared with my doctor that we'd been trying to conceive (ttc) for a year, so she ordered some tests for me and Dan just to make sure everything was working right. She spent a good 45 minutes with me explaining various options and sharing about her own history (best doctor visit ever...thanks Dr. Kroll). As she was walking out she said that she had a strong feeling that she'd be taking care of my pregnancy very soon and that she sprinkled her pixie dust on me for good luck. It sounds silly, but just her saying that gave me so much hope.

I know that a year of ttc is not long in the whole scheme of things, and a friend who was in the middle of the adoption process when she got pregnant said that now that her son is here she would have waited 10 more years knowing the joy he would bring. Regardless, there is so much unknown when you've been trying for a while with nothing happening. The fact that my doctor had enough faith for both of us was so reassuring. It turns out that her pixie dust (and all the prayers) did the trick because that night, or the next ;-) the stars aligned and little baby Sumner started to grow.

Of course, at the time I didn't even know it, but this is how funny God is...last year when the sign ups started for a snowboard trip to Brianhead, UT with the youth group from our church I decided not to go because I was convinced that I'd be pregnant by then. Well, March 17 or 18 was the magic moment, and Brianhead was March 19-22. So, even though I didn't know it, I actually WAS pregnant before Brianhead!! I ended up spending that weekend with some college friends who were in town (shout out to Laurie and Anna) so it was a great weekend no less, but I sure didn't think I was pregnant.

Fast forward to March 26, Dan had gone in for his test a few days prior (awkward for him...sorry honey) and he had been a little snippy for a couple days. So, that night I asked him what was wrong. After sharing a few things that had been bothering him he put his head in his hands and started tearing up. I asked what was wrong not really knowing what to think and he said that he was sad that we hadn't had a baby yet. Well, from that point the floodgates opened for both of us. We spent the next two hours on the couch crying together and sharing everything we'd been thinking for the previous year.

Now, you might ask why it took a year for us to get to that point (after almost 8 years of marriage), and that would be a very valid question. The short answer is that we were both trying to protect the other person. The long answer is that when I would start talking about baby stuff, Dan said that I was stressing too much about it and said that I shouldn't think about it because he thought the stress might be keeping me from getting pregnant. I knew that he wanted a baby but thought that he just didn't want to talk about it, so I wouldn't. Well, what was really stressing me out was NOT being able to talk about it, and the reason that he WASN'T talking about it was to try to protect me. We sat on the couch and talked about ALL of it. I shared how badly I wanted to be a mom and how scared I had been to go to the doctor because I didn't want to find out that something was wrong that might prevent me from being able to get pregnant. He said that he was worried that something might be wrong with him and said how guilty he would feel if he was the "reason" that we couldn't get pregnant. It was like a deep breath for our marriage. You know how there are those conversations that take place in a relationship or marriage that you never forget? The ones that reshape the way that you talk with each other, act towards each other, and just think of each other? Yeah, it was like that.

After we talked, we went to dinner and just carried on (what else would we do?). It seemed like that was what we were waiting for and our marriage will be stronger and better because we were able to have that conversation. And again, little did we know that at the same time we were crying on the couch, baby Sumner had already started to grow. But, God knew what we needed and I am so thankful that we were brought to the place where we could be so open and broken with each other.

We got Dan's test results the next day and they were a little questionable. Dan was very discouraged even though he was still within a healthy range for the test, so Friday 3/27 was a rough day for him but I think that it was actually easier due to the conversation we had on Thursday. So, we carried on just trusting that God knows what he's doing and that when it's his time and his way that our family would grow.

Then, April 3 came and everything suddenly changed. (Refer to April 3 posts).

Friday, April 3, 2009

To my baby


Hey there little one,
I am so amazed that even as I write this you are growing in my tummy. I've always dreamt of being the only person in the world who knows that there's a whole other life coming in to the world and here we are, you and me. Just last week your dad and I were sitting on the couch crying because we wanted so badly to be parents, and little did we know that you were already getting started inside of me. We love you so much, no matter what, and we always will, no matter what. Even though we had to wait a little longer than we wanted, I know that you will be born at God's perfect moment. While we've been waiting for you, I've learned so much about God and his plan for my life, and for your life. In every situation there's something to learn about God and about ourselves and I learned that I couldn't always just wait for things to go my way. There are some things that really are just out of my control and God is the one who knows why things happen the way they do.

Oh little one, you are a blessing from God and my heart is overflowing with joy just knowing that you're on your way. What a plan God has!

See you soon.




I can't believe it. I took another test this afternoon and it also came out positive (an electronic one that actually says "Pregnant" on the screen) so I wasn't imagining the little blue line I saw this morning.

My heart is beating so fast because I get to go home and tell my wonderful husband that our dream is coming true and we're going to have a baby. I'm overwhelmed with joy and responsibility and so many things.

So much has happened in the past month, so I'll have to write a recap post at some point, but right now I get to grab the little book that I made in December that tells Dan that I'm pregnant and I get to give it to him tonight. You only get to tell your husband one time that you're pregnant with your first child, so I'm actually a little nervous. I have dreamt of this day for years and here it is. Inside of me is a little bundle of cells that's going to grow up into a real person, and I get to tell Dan tonight that he's going to be a daddy. Thank you Lord!!!

So much to say


I can't believe it. I just this very moment found out that I'm pregnant!! I had a feeling that I might be but I didn't want to be disappointed, so I waited a little while to take the test but I just did and there two blue lines. There is so much to say that I don't have time for right now, but my heart just started beating a whole lot faster. At this very moment, I'm the only person in the whole world who knows that there is a little life on the way that for the next 9 months (and longer) is totally dependent on me. I can't wait to tell Dan. This blog is about to get a whole lot more interesting.