I Give Up

It's true, I give up. I don't know how it happened so fast (and I certainly wasn't expecting it so soon), but I'm tossing up my arms in surrender. My 15 week old daughter is totally ignoring my very clear direction to save all of her "firsts" for either Dan or myself. If she's this defiant already then I'm throwing in the towel.

I made this decision yesterday when I dropped Miss E off at my parent's house for the evening. We were playing with Emma on the floor when my dad said how cute it was that she rolled over last week (insert sound of anything...record, car, anything coming to a screeching halt). "WHAT?!?!? She rolled over?" I couldn't believe my ears. I, her mother, didn't even know that she had reached this significant (albeit taken for granted and quickly forgotten) milestone. How can this be? My dad said that he figured that she had already done it because as soon as he put her on her tummy with her arms under her chest she pushed (maybe fell) onto her back. I told him that she hadn't done that for us yet, so we spent the next 30 minutes completely entertained by watching Emma roll onto her back.


At first I was almost hurt. Not because my dad didn't tell me, but because I realized that this likely won't be the only "first" that we miss. I carried her for 9 months and birthed her into this crazy world, so doesn't she know that I'm entitled to it? I earned it, for goodness sake. But, with Dan and I both working, it's inevitable that other people may actually be the ones to see her take her first steps or hear her first words. Part of that realization does send a twinge of guilt through me, but it makes me more grateful for the people caring for her who can encourage her, along with us, to continue growing.

I don't want Emma to ever feel like she has to wait for us to be ready for her to grow up (because that will never happen). I want her to have a healthy confidence in herself and trust her instincts, and if we're not there when she's ready to take her first step then so be it. We will always be her biggest cheerleaders whether or not we're with her. She never has to impress us because we already love her with a deeper love than I thought possible. We want her to be successful at whatever she puts her mind to, and as long as she knows that we've always got her back then I'm happy. So, I give up thinking that I have to be the most important person in her life. Our job as her parents is to help her grow up so she can move out.

So, keep rolling over sweet girl, and if I'm not there when you want to crawl then do it anyways. But, feel free to hold off for a little bit longer. I don't think I'm ready for you to be mobile. Oh wait...I give up.